As a big HBO fan, I put off watching Silicon Valley for years because I didn't want to sit through a big circlejerk about software development. But it turns out, that’s not really what the show is about. Just like Righteous Gemstones isn’t actually about preaching or Veep isn't really about political policy, Silicon Valley is just a damn good character-driven series.

When HBO’s Silicon Valley debuted in 2014, it nailed the essence of the tech-bro culture, which is still alive and well today. A sea of Patagonia-clad (though now Cotopaxi seems to be all the rage) pseudo-rebellious entrepreneurs claim to be “outside the establishment,” while, in reality, they are firmly entrenched in it. It’s a bit like how Fox News claims to be outside the mainstream media while dominating the ratings. But I digress - Silicon Valley is now a decade old, and it's time to celebrate one of HBO's most unforgettable and absurd characters of the last decade: Donald "Jared" Dunn.

Jared, Pied Piper’s business chief, quickly became a fan favorite for his mix of gentle sincerity and unsettling absurdity. In tribute to this iconic character, let’s revisit some of his most memorable lines.

1. "How would you like to die today, motherfucker?" - S05E08

We’re starting strong with one of Jared’s most insane moments. Throughout the series, he delivers some of the most out-of-nowhere, absurd punchlines and this one is a perfect example. His response to a random street heckler shows his ride-or-die loyalty to the Pied Piper crew. This line is made even more brilliant by the fact that Zach Woods (who portrayed Jared) improvised the line.

2. "I’ll kill them with knives. I’ll kill them with guns. I’ll kill them with my hands. I’ll talk them into suicide. It doesn’t matter." - S04E04

And he'd do it. Here, Jared shows the lengths he’s willing to go to in order to protect Richard and the fledgling Pied Piper. His devotion to the “Pied Piper family” is both intense and deeply unsettling, but it’s part of what makes him such a compelling character.

3. "Hey, Dinesh, nice chain. Do you choke your mother with it when you put your penis in her butthole?" - S03E02

In this scene, Dinesh sheepishly debuts a new chain while Gilfoyle delivers his usual commentary. And then in comes Jared, trying his best to be one of the boys but accidentally turning it up to eleven. You can’t help but wonder what’s rattling around in that beautiful brain of his. Though, based on gems like this from Season 2:

Richard: “Sweet dreams.” Jared: “Haha, yeah, if only.”

…it's probably safer not to know.

4. "I found my father in a militia in the Ozarks." - S03E05

Jared has a dark and complicated past, having bounced through a litany of foster homes after his biological parents gave him up to simplify their first-class air travel for a few years. Throughout the series, he casually drops disturbing tidbits about his tragic backstory, offering the subtlety of a brick through a window to explain his intense bond with the Pied Piper “family.”

5. "Interested, very interested, or very interested?" - S01E08

“How much would it be worth to you if I told you I had a GPS app called Pied Piper tracking the location of your child? I can follow your child anywhere, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Most missing children are never found. Interested, very interested, or very interested?”

In this scene, Jared’s cocktail of loyalty, obsession, and full-blown manic energy is on full display. It’s startup culture meets psychological thriller, and Jared is somehow both victim and villain.

Conclusion

Jared is a masterpiece of contradictions: equal parts corporate yes-man, trauma-riddled orphan, and human golden retriever with the emotional stability of a haunted Victorian doll. It's criminal that Zach Woods never got an Emmy for his portrayal of Jared, but maybe this article makes up for it.