Manager Adds New Process, Swears He Doesn’t Have a Problem and Can Quit Anytime

DALLAS, TX – Dallas resident Winston Waddle, a software engineering manager at Wells Fargo, was recently featured in a KTVT morning segment highlighting how professionals can apply workplace efficiencies to their personal lives.

Speaking from his kitchen, Waddle eagerly showcased his “fully streamlined” household dish management framework.

“It’s simple,” Waddle said. “Before dinner, we hold a planning meeting with my two daughters to review the dish backlog and forecast plate utilization. Each dish is assigned a point value to maximize loading efficiency.”

Waddle said the system is modeled after Agile processes he successfully implemented across multiple engineering teams at Wells Fargo. Internal colleagues described the initiative as “thorough” and “oh my god, like, so long.”

“I prefer eating at Mom’s house,” claimed his 15-year-old daughter, pointing toward a laminated flowchart pinned to the refrigerator labeled “Dessert Allocation Modeling.” Court records confirm Waddle’s divorce was recently finalized, citing irreconcilable disagreements over “not another fucking Kanban board,” among other contributing factors.

At press time, Waddle was reportedly integrating AI models to outsource the encouragement notes he typically places in his children’s lunchboxes, noting the system offered greater consistency and emotional scalability.