Man Awakes from 2018 Coma, Founds Blockchain Startup

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Family and friends are celebrating the recovery of San Francisco native Wyatt Pinguin, who emerged from a seven-year coma following a 2018 car accident.

Pinguin appeared to be in good spirits and was reportedly excited to return home and begin work on his blockchain startup, promising “revolutionary decentralized social media within the next 5 years.” Speaking to reporters, “All the big players are going headfirst on blockchain. It’s the future.” He continued, “Some people are even talking about Web3. Can you even imagine where that is going to be in 2025 and beyond? Believe me, you do not want to get left behind.”

Doctors are expecting Pinguin to make a full recovery, but are quietly limiting their interactions to avoid sitting through his investment pitch.